You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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