I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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