i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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