Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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