At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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