Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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