She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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