I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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