I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize