Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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