I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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