You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
literally had 100 drinks last night.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
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Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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