The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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