Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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