Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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