My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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