garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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