His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Your penis caused this!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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