he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize