Fuck appropriateness.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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