do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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