it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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