how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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