He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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