Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize