i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize