Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize