u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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