I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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