There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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