Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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