i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize