One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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