someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
40s are totally the cure
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
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