i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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