My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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