$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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