I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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