You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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