I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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