Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize