Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize