What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize