So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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