if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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