I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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