My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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