I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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