my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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