Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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